"Heart of Worship"

... song lyrics ...

Heart Of Worship
(Australia Hillsongs)

when the music fades
all is stripped away
and i simply come
longing just to bring
something that's of worth
that will bless Your heart

i bring You more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

chorus
I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing i've made it
when it's all about You
it's all about You, Jesus

King of endless worth
no one could express
how much You deserve
though i'm weak and poor
all i have is Yours
every single breath

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
and it's all about You
It's all about You, Jesus
I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing i've made it
when it's all about You
it's all about You, Jesus


(one of the songs during our baccalaureate mass, morning of the college graduation day - March 2002)

To My Mom

Happy Birthday Nay! :)
I do thank God that YOU ARE my most beloved Nanay...

A Blessed Christmas!

to you...

...and "Happy Birthday!!!" to Jesus! :)

Days of Rest

There are a few days balance on my allowable leave from work and even if I wanted to "carry them over" next year so I could spend them in Bacolod, I didn't have a choice but to take them this December and stay here. Anyway, it feels good to just laze for a few days. :)

On my first day on leave, 15th of December, I went back to office for a few hours to "dig" some old invoices "buried" under a pile of other documents and left them with my colleague (she didn't have a choice, unfortunately). Then, my sister, brother and I went to pick-up my sister's car from a vehicle workshop after its regular maintenance service... went to Friday's (first time I dined in that branch! hehehe) and spent the whole afternoon in a bookshop. (Hmmm... there's a danger if you leave me in a bookshop. Before I go there, my wallet should be empty of both cash and credit card... otherwise, I won't leave without buying! hehehe...) So, I bought Manual of the Warrior of Light by Paulo Coelho. In the evening, we went to attend the first [Simbang Gabi] at St. Mary's Church.

... Manual of the Warrior of Light ...

16th of December, I went to the Phil. Embassy to inquire about a few things and in the evening, went to join my colleagues for a [Dhow Cruise]. Yeah, I missed [Simbang Gabi].

17th, 18th, those days slipped away... but I didn't miss the mass in the evening.

19th, I went to the Safa Library and spent the whole afternoon browsing through a Teach-Yourself Hindi and Teach-Yourself Arabic. Later, I realized I shouldn't do that again. The very few words I remember are now mixed up in my head! (hehehe) ...Anyway, before I left that wonderfully maintained place, I borrowed three heavy books related to accounting. Until now, I have "browsed" only one of them. I was not absent again for the evening mass.

20th of December is the 29th wedding anniversary of my parents. I do not know if I should greet my mom since my dad already passed away four years ago, so I didn't call her... (should I?). Mass in the evening, as usual.

Today is 21st of December... my LAST DAY at home to sit still and be alone... with God, of course! :)

Dhow Cruise

To celebrate Christmas, my colleagues organized a Dhow Cruise at Dubai creek... and even if I was on local leave, I joined them. After my colleagues picked me up at the bus stop where I met that cheerful lady, I just found myself at the side of the creek with my colleagues and their own families, having our photo shots taken in groups and mini-groups while waiting for the dhow to sail on water.

Hmmm... the scent of salty water and the smell of the sea vessel's running engine reminded me of those boat trips back home that my family used to take when traveling from one island to another.

The food was yummy and similar to the ones served during a Desert Safari. There was also a belly dancer. My colleagues joined her dancing... and even continued to dance even after she left the "stage". I clapped my hands much (and loudly) until my palms turned pink. I had a wonderful time watching them have fun until my laughter and smiles made my face muscles ache.

The dhow cruise lasted for about two hours... and my colleagues dropped me home (not at the bus stop, thanks to them and to God) around 11 pm.

Going on a Dhow Cruise is like living on this earth. The dhow moves and you're "stuck" with strangers as your co-passengers on a "sailing boat"... and these people will remain strangers even after the boat docks. But if you're with your family and friends, being "stuck" there while the boat is sailing on the water isn't a bad idea after all.
You also get the chance to clap your hands... and the chance to laugh and smile until your face muscles ache.

At the Bus Stop

While waiting for my colleagues to pick me up at the bus stop for the [Dhow Cruise], a Kabayan (from the same country where I came from) approached me and asked for bus "directions". I don't know much about bus routes for I don't take the public bus that often. Since I wanted to help, I did what I could... I called the toll-free number of Dubai Transport. At least, I tried to help and it worked.

We had a chat and I noticed that she was unusually bubbly and cheerful. She was so jolly that I never expected she was (and has been) carrying such heavy problems. She has four children back in our home country and she's separated from her husband. She recently left her job and will be flying back to her hometown... And even though she will be with her children (and parents) during Christmas and New Year, she'll be jobless and penniless.

Yet there she was, cracking jokes, giggling and laughing with me at the bus stop.
I didn't feel any pity for her. What I felt was intrigue and admiration.
Where did all her smiles come from?
Ah, perhaps a human soul can have a type of strength more resilient than what I have imagined.

Simbang Gabi

This evening, we went to St. Mary's Church to attend the first Simbang Gabi (Aguinaldo Mass or Misa de Gallo), a Catholic Advent tradition which is quite "popular" in my country. There was also the "Lighting of the BIG Christmas tree" ceremony in front of the Church and singing of Christmas carols by a choir. However, we didn't reach the Church compounds that early so we saw only the last number of the "program" (a dance performed by Indian girls which resembled the Pandanggo sa Ilaw dance in my country). The good thing was, we weren't late for the Holy Mass.

Simbang Gabi is a series of daily Eucharistic Celebrations nine days before Christmas. The mass was (and future masses will be) officiated by Rev. Fr. Zaki Parra, a Franciscan Capuchin Missionary. (NO, I don't think Capuchin is related to capuccino, the coffee...)

During the sermon, among other thought-provoking things, the priest explained the reason of the number "9"... of Simbang Gabi... or of the novena devotions, in general. He said it was taken from the number of days when the apostles had to wait in a room after Jesus Christ ascended to heaven. After nine days, the Holy Spirit came upon each of them and they spoke in tongues. Thus, the "9" days.

It is a common "belief" that if the Simbang Gabi masses are "completed" (meaning you attended all 9 Holy Masses), a prayer intention will be granted... (of course, provided you do your own share to materialize your prayer intention!)

I'm not sure how true that "belief" is. Honestly, I haven't "completed" Simbang Gabi in the past years. I don't really believe in the "completion" of Simbang Gabi, but I'm not making my "unbelief" (of that kind of miracle) an excuse to miss one Simbang Gabi Holy Mass. Unfortunately, I have other excuses!! (shame...shame on me!)

Insufficient Pity

The damage caused by the floods in the northern part of the Philippines has awakened the slumbering hearts of Filipinos... and mankind. It is just so moving to see how everybody answered the call of the victims. Even non-Filipinos are doing something.

Hopefully, something could be done about the cause of the tragedy, and not just about its effect.
And hopefully, help will reach the intended recipients on time.

Thank God help has come.
Pity was not enough, so mankind finally resorted to action.

Anthill

Waking up earlier than my morning alarm gives me a chance to witness a sunrise... and since my bedroom window is facing east, I have a perfect view of the sun emerging from the horizon!

Ahhh, nothing beats a glorious sunrise!!! The morning light radiating from the rising sun--especially if there are streaks of light bursting through a few clouds--would make anyone feel so grateful that he/she has eyes that can see!

Like what I do in the evening, I stop by my bedroom window for a while and notice that my [carpet of stars] has turned into an anthill. At these construction sites, work ends late and starts early . Half asleep, I can see excavators digging into the ground, shovels moving sand and gravel, cranes lifting bars and bars of steel, rollers and graders moving around the area, tipper trucks carrying construction materials, concrete mixers pouring out cement, and buses transporting masons, painters, chargehands, carpenters, and construction workers. Of course, the coarsely paved roads and the colour of desert sand in the area completes the whole picture of a busy anthill.

There are port-a-cabins neatly arrayed along the sides of the construction areas reminding me of how transient our stay on earth is. As I imagine that the architects and engineers stay only for some time in these portable offices, I am reminded that I, too, shall stay on this earth for only a short while.

Even though all the evening shimmer and sparkles have disappeared, I am glad to wake up into a view that reminds me I am alive. I have come to realize that besides the inner/personal (and quiet!) life that I've known in [my hermitage], in the office and in the libraries I visit, there exists a life out there... another kind of life, which is filled with action, energy, and hardwork.

... anthill ...

Carpet of Stars

Living in one of the flats of a 30-storey building (and I repeat... for free!), gives me the chance to perceive everything below as if I were a hundred feet tall.

When darkness has enveloped the entire space outside the building, only the lights shimmer in the darkness. Yellowish lights along the highways, white lights from tower cranes, villas and palace fences (yes, I have a far view of a few palaces of sheikhs and sheikhas), reddish lights from power generators at the construction sites, and bluish lights from the buildings under construction at a far distance. Add to that the multi-coloured lights from the other towers, the changing colours of traffic lights, and the lights of passing cars that one can see in hundreds at a glance. Especially when I'm not using my eyeglasses, all these lights in different hues don't look like they emanate from man-made lightbulbs. They look like stars that have fallen from the evening sky!

Sometimes, the real stars in the sky appear and sometimes they don't. Somehow, it doesn't matter that much.
I know they're still there, hiding behind the winter clouds.

At night, there's one thing I do that has become a habit... I always stop by my bedroom window even for a few seconds and take a deep breath. This is the wondrous view that renders me mute as I gaze outside and a carpet of stars spreads before my eyes.


... carpet of stars ...

Hermitage

A hermitage among the “trees” of steel, glass, and cement. This is where I live (free of charge!)… on the road named after the president who passed away more than a month ago.

Away from civilization, my daily ride to office has allowed me to witness along the highways the admirable efflorescence of red and yellow flowers, the sprinklers whose waters nourish the grass, and the planted greenery around the two towers of Emirates. And fortunately, my daily ride from office has allowed me to admire the magical sunset, the interesting formation of multi-coloured clouds, or the star-like lights of these "trees".

Since where I live is the nearest passenger's house to the office, I'm the first one to reach home. Somehow, the people at the Transport Department of the company where I work loves me enough to assign a separate car for me (and another lady colleague) so I won't have to take the company's mini-bus. (Actually, the real reason is that my house (and her's) is "out of the way"--not in the usual route. But then, I still want to believe that they "love" me... hehehe.)

As I take my early dinner or late afternoon snack and look out the window, I see an array of cars at snail pace... and it makes me feel grateful indeed for the "luxury" of reaching home 7 minutes after office hours. (It surprises me whenever I get a chance to experience how worse the traffic jams have become at all the other parts of Dubai!)

Did I mention that these "trees" have attracted the presence of little birds too? They fly from one "tree" to another... and in particular mornings when I need to wait for the company transportation to show up at 7:50 AM, their chirping (together with the stunning clouds and the winter breeze) makes me start my day in a positive note. :)

7 Pages

This year (2004), I'm the chairperson of the Publications Committee of a club I joined.
(Am I a person?... and where's the chair?? hehehe)

Ok... let me give you a clearer picture of what that position requires. Basically, you just need to--- gather all the articles from all the other officers of the club... the president's message from the president, the treasurer's report from the treasurer, the list of birthdays and list of new members from the membership committee, the articles from the officer-in-charge of the tennis tournaments, bowling tournaments, seminars, and all the other activities, and... the photos taken during the activities from anybody who brought a camera on that particular day. Then, if there's extra space, you search for appropriate articles, jokes, quotes, etc. that you can use as fillers. All you need to do is make sure that the newsletter covers most (if not all) of the activities of the club. Edit the articles a bit and correct the errors that you can see. Resize the photos and match them with the articles. Finally, just do the LAYOUT and get 75 copies. That's it. Simple, yeah? :)

This year, the club released two issues of the newsletter, despite the plans of releasing it quarterly. Maybe because I didn't search for advertisers to subsidize the cost of printing... or maybe I was lazy to do a quarterly issue... or maybe I wasn't motivated enough... or maybe... maybe... I don't know. Somehow I just managed to release two issues this year. Anyway, in the history of the club, the maximum number of newsletter issues per year is two. (hah! alibis!!)

The newsletter has 8 pages. I did the layout of 7 pages because the layout of one full page was provided by an advertiser. You won't believe it if I told you how much time it took me to do the layout! Almost a week!! Since I'm not familiar with any publishing software, I did the layout in MS Word! Imagine!!! Well, just to finalize the draft, I didn't sleep on Monday evening and went straight to office on Tuesday morning! (Ah, I did enjoy the entire experience coz it reminded me of my life as a student!) And... on Wednesday, I had to take an emergency leave (unauthorized absence) from the office for a whole day!

After I submitted the draft to the "proofreaders" last Wednesday evening, which is the deadline, they only had a couple of hours to make the obvious corrections on the draft (which means it was not edited properly). Worse, they told me that they wanted one article (the article written in Tagalog/Filipino language) to be translated into English! (I was shocked because the article--in font size 8--occupied an entire A4 page!) Finally, they decided there wasn't enough time... and they didn't have a choice but to publish the Tagalog version because the newsletter had to be distributed during the Christmas Party on Thursday (...quite early to celebrate Christmas, but Dec.2 is the National Day of the UAE and the best time for the members to meet since it's a holiday).

It was a good thing my angelic sister was there to help me in everything... and the supportive president with the helpful secretary of the club were there for me too. What a relief I felt when, at last, the copies of the 2nd issue were distributed to the members of the club this afternoon! :)

Obviously, that's how much I procrastinate!!! How ironic... after reading the motivational books of Walter Staples, Stephen Covey, Zig Ziglar, Napoleon Hill, Robert Schuller, Norman Vincent Peale, and Dale Carnegie, I still procrastinate!!! ...Who knows? Maybe I'm just delaying gratification (which is good, right?... delaying the gratification of getting a job done on time! haha... alibis again!!!)

On a more sober note, I do feel that I haven't done enough. I procrastinated a lot and when the deadline drew near, I realized that I only have 24 hours per day. Everything was done in a hurry and there were some errors on the copies given to the members. Anyway, God is generous and forgiving... and I'm still a work-in-progress. :)

A few hours before the final layout was finalized--at the time when the pressure was most intense--I was surprised to find myself getting irritated over little things... as if I was not myself! I usually like to listen to music, but that afternoon, the slightest sound of the music videos from the next bedroom irritated me. I don't hate hearing the phone ring, but during those few hours, a single ring made me want to scream.

Lessons I learned? You can tell me.
I can listen to a detailed sermon for the blunder I've done during the past week... and still manage to smile. :)